The person I hate the most

The person I hate the most...is someone I've never met! I wont be taking his name here because I dont like to. I'll just emphasize on why I hate him so much!

I'll start with his introduction, and I'll try to be as neutral as possible. He plays tennis a mile behind the baseline, chases and returns every ball that's humanly possible and waits for the error from the opponent. While this may sound like an obvious defensive strategy, its the game of muscle that he uses to his advantage which annoys me. Tennis is an art (and Hingis is the best example). You carve out points for yourself, you dont muscle out the opponent for that.

He is superstitious. He wants his two fluid bottles kept at a particular distance x from each other and at a particular distance y from the edge of the table. Their faces need to make a particular angle z with edge of the table. He needs to drink exactly a ml fluid A and exactly b ml of fluid B. The shoe laces need to tied in such a way that exactly d millimeters of length protrudes out of the knot. The banana needs to be peeled by that exact proportion p in the first go and the rest (1-p) in the second go. He needs to spend exactly s seconds (s > 30) at that chair resting after the umpire has called out "time". If any of these elements are missing, he thinks he will not win the next game.

Continuing.... I like to call him undi-fucker (convert it in hindi). He needs to get his ass cleaned and his undi out of his ass-hole before serving/returning. Then, with the very same hands, he wipes his face and straightens his hair.

While at the sevice line, his routine goes something like this:get a towel-get 4 balls-select two of them-get a towel-put one ball back-get the ass cleaned-wipe the face-bounce the ball 20 times-get the hairs strightened-bounce it again 20 times...phew. Add a few more of those rituals, if he is on clay. finally he comes up with his dreaded serve: speed half that of roddick's and accuracy none compared to federer's.

Although some of these may be exagerrations, but its more true than not. All of his tactics have only one goal:control time. He wants the game to be played at his own pace so that he gains that extra advantage. And believe me, having played TT and bridge at decent levels, these kind of tactics work wonders, if not against everyone but certainly against federer. Watch wimbledon final '08 closely, and u'll see federer shouting to the umpire trying to draw attention to Nadal's time-killing tactics. Federer is not the type who lets his emotions out on the court, but that scream clearly implied that those tactics are very irksome to him.